I have been overweight since the age of 10....I had my tonsils out and my parents got divorced. I guess as a child I had given up on being happy...I was helping out with my brother while my mom worked...I guess this is when I lost my identity...I started gaining weight. I put on 50 lbs in the first year. I felt so down about myself. As the years passed by I always strived for acceptance. I didnt feel loved as a child. I thought my parents divorced and it was because of me. Through the years I tried to make everyone proud. I was always the fat sister. The outcast. I felt out of place because most of the people around me were thin. As i grew older I continued to gain weight..My self esteem was horrible. I thought how can someone love me if my own father wasnt involved with me. I was about 16 when I met my "best friend". She was heavy and had thick glasses. She would tell me I wasnt pretty and I couldnt find a man to love me. It was strange but the 2 boyfriends she had through our friendships hit on me. She thought it was mne doing it so she ended the friendship. I never hit on either of them. Later in life I met a nice man who loved me for me. Things were great..My self esteem picked up and i lost a few lbs. After 4 years, things went sour. He cheated on me and became an alcoholic. He called me fat names and made me feel worse. I couldnt settle so I left the relationship. Over the next year I dated but didnt meet anyone worthy. All along I was getting better...I was fatter but I had a good self esteem.. Then a year ago I met a nice man..We were best friends. Then after 10 months, he turned his back on me. I felt so alone..I dont deal with rejection well since my dad wasnt in my life and the relationships I had. I went to the Dr crying. I was severely depressed. I told him I wanted the gastric bypass but I was scared. (actually I wanted a miracle drug.) He gave me zoloft for depression and Meridia for weight loss. Just knowing I had something to help me made a big difference. I was getting the Meridia for 12 bucks (3 mo. supply) I have good insurance. Anyway..I lost 30 lbs on it but then I got to seeing some weight loss pics on the net. I remember seeing a story of Katrina and Brian...Once I saw her jump in his arms I knew I wanted more. I was in tears as I read their story. I called Weight Watchers the next day and weighed in a day later. I cant explain it but I needed some support and encouragement. It was like I couldnt really believe I was losing the weight and I needed some convincing. I started with a great leader. I love my group and vowed I would never leave. I started losing weight on August 15th 2001. As of December 26th 2001 I have lost 50.8 pounds. I still have a way to go but i wont give up!!! My friend walked back in my life. Now its different. He encourages me and makes me feel good. I have stopped the Meridia because of what it can do to my health. I had to learn that love had to come from within...Not from others. I feel good about myself and I know I can overcome this. My journey is long but the vision is beautiful.
